This is the unrequited Love towards yourself. You have many qualities that you find attractive and as soon as one pops up, you retreat from yourself and try to make this quality disappear with negative self-talk.
This way you are constantly undermining your self-confidence and hurting yourself badly. But actually, this is when you feel most comfortable, as you know this feeling well. And, you think that if you hurt yourself, then no one from the outside can do it.
Actually, this is self-harming on a grand scale!
It’s time to ask the Angels for support, help and guidance. It would be very beneficial for you to keep a journal, as writing it down will make it easier for you to become aware of what triggers this self-sabotage mechanism.
Also, you are hoping that a partner will make you feel safe and loved. The thing is, it doesn’t work like that. To find a loving relationship with passion and mutual respect, you need to heal yourself first. Otherwise you will never feel it and blame your partner, which is unfair and wrong, as no one but yourself can fill these gaps.
Love & Blessings