Everyone has expectations. We all do. We expect this to be like that, him to do this, her to do that and ourselves to do something else.
We have expectations of the weather - hot in summer, a white Christmas, etc - we have expectations of our children, our parents, our siblings, our spouses, our friends, our neighbours and even people we don't know.
We expect them to fall in line and behave as we want them to. And then, when these expectations aren't fulfilled, well we get upset and/or angry. We feel pain, are hurt and don't understand why this happened.
Yes, let that sink in!!!
We say that he, her, them, have hurt us. But have they really? Think about it. Has that person really hurt you, or is it self-inflicted? Hm, this is something to ponder on. I'm running this by you, as I'm thinking about it. So, what DO you think? Who has really hurt you?
The other person is more than likely not even aware of your expectation of them in the first place. The weather surely isn't.
Here's an example:
When I was 14 years old I had this big crush on a boy and it was my expectation that he would ask me out. He didn't, as he was interested in another girl. I felt so hurt by him. How could he do that do me?
But what exactly did he do to me? Nothing. He didn't even know that I liked him in that way because I didn't tell him. I expected him to know. Yeah, I know. I was 14 and we all do things different when we are a teenager. But do we really?
What I know for sure is that I have applied this way of thinking to all kinds of situations, to all kinds of people. Yes, even now, as a proper grown-up. So come on, be honest, do YOU do this?
We project our hopes, wishes, dreams and even fears onto people around us, onto situations. Honestly now, who doesn't do this? We have so many expectations of everything and everyone around us that when you really think about it, it will make your head spin.
But the thing is, these are our expectations. So, really, the buck stops with ourselves. And this is also how we can stop ourselves from unnecessary anger, hurt, pain and suffering, from unnecessary stress.
When we become aware of what our expectations are that we project onto others, we can then take them away, let them go and let the other person just be who and what they are. When we take our expectations out of situations and just let them unfold, we may just be surprised what happens.
When we start giving ourselves a break, too and wind down the expectations we put on ourselves, our life can flow and unfold. The more we open our hearts to ourselves, the more we are compassionate and kind to ourselves, the more we will be able to embrace life as it actually is, without throwing all these expectations out there.
What I can say is, the more I am becoming aware of all the expectations I have and project onto others, the more surprised I am. It's like wow, so very, very, VERY many. But I am aware, so now I can start to look to myself and relax, unwind and let go. Untangle this web of woven expectations.
Try it and see where it will lead you ...
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